Wow, I’ve never seen such drama over a slightly misguided post.
Anyhow I feel like I’m in a somewhat similar position that you’re in, so perhaps I’m not the best one to be giving advice (or I could be the perfect person since, as I said, I’m in a similar position), but I’ll just share some of my experiences to try to help.
I liked girls through out elementary school, and during middle school I started to like the same sex as well (other factors dealing with my hypothalamus that I won’t go into in this thread COULD have played a part in this, but that‘s besides the point). I’m not going to go through everything; basically all that was in the OP seems to apply to me as well, except my family is a little different. My father lives in a different country and I haven’t seen him for several years, so I have no idea what his reaction would be. My mother sounds similar to what you described and had asked me if I liked girls before as well. I think the fact that someone asks is important because usually the people who ask are okay with it. Maybe they’re not completely enthralled with the idea, but certainly more open and deferential towards it. Also as Thund has already stated, usually if they ask, they already know or at least have a hunch, so it doesn’t make an extreme amount of difference. If someone specifically asks you, I think that it‘s a great time to open up. In fact, the only people who know about me are the people who asked (some several times) who are my mother and one of my friends [who is a girl] from school.
Another note that was stated earlier by Thund , it’s not a big deal unless you make it one is important too. I think that could be a reason why your friend may not believe you entirely. You don’t know enough about yourself and your sexuality yet, so naturally you think ‘idk maybe‘ and then she reacts in the same ‘idk maybe’ way. The same thing happened with my mom actually. I wasn’t really clear (and still not entirely sure) about what my orientation was, so she wasn’t sure either. People’s emotional responses are not only dependent on the actual information, but the delivery of the information as well.
Thund, I agree completely. I just need to confirm it, but for that, I do need to be 100% sure. I need a date or something and that's hard for me. I'm shy, self-concious, and very afraid of having anyone see me. I care too much about what others think unfortunately. =/ Dating sites aren'tmy thing really- you have the uncertainty factor and I have issues with posting pics lol. I've gotta do someting and that I'm sure of!
From my experience, caring about what others think isn’t really about everything and everyone around you - whether they‘ll accept or hate you doesn’t matter. It’s more individual-centered. As cliché as it may sound, it’s more about you knowing and accepting yourself; being comfortable with who you are, therefore, you will inevitably care less about what others think. Caring (or the lack of) about what others think is not something that one can turn on and off. So, honestly, when people say don’t worry about this or what others think, etc. it’s not of much use. I used to think that I didn’t care what others thought, but until I really understood and expressed myself more, I realized how much I really did care. It’s like I was consciously saying and thinking that I didn’t care, while my unconscious was still struggling with insecurity. Something that worked for me was putting myself in a vulnerable position(s).
For example, I had been involved in drama for a majority of HS, but I had never tried out for the school plays. My junior year I decided that I would definitely attempt to try out my senior year (that way if something went wrong it didn’t matter as much .-.). Much to my dismay it ended up being a musical, so I had to sing in my audition as well. I thought that the auditioning process would be nerve-racking, but I actually started talking to one of my classmates and discovered that she had never auditioned for anything either. We could relate, we practiced outside together, and had a great time. Our auditions went very well and we both ended up singing in front of the whole room since nobody had heard us before and most of the people there sang all the time anyway. This is something I (and probably her too) never in a million years would’ve imagined myself doing.
This was a major turning point for me, and after that, I felt more confident and secure. Everything was not perfect, and things now are certainly still not, but it was definitely a step in the right direction.
Basically what I’m saying is, find something that you enjoy where you can be vulnerable, but not uncomfortable enough to never want to do it again, If you find that, I think you’ll be less self-conscious and begin to see more opportunities opening up for yourself. Then it won’t really matter what others may think. I still find myself day-by-day s l o w l y growing more confident and looking for opportunities with that vulnerability factor (recently I changed my ‘Interested In’ status on face book from women, to ‘blank’ lol. It’s not saying that I’m gay or straight and most probably didn’t even notice that I changed it. However, it was still a physically little, while figuratively huge step that made me feel better and more confident.
Another thing that seems to help me is watching shows that may have non-heterosexual characters or situations in them since there are much less of them (remember mikey on RR? haha). I guess it kind of ties back to the relating factor, and makes one feel like they're not the only ones going through it; it gives you a sense of hope, maybe false hope, but hope nonetheless.
This is probably totally off base from what you may work for you, and you probably already know all of this but I thought I’d at least try. I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, but this is just what I discovered works for me, so if it works for you great, if it doesn’t, no harm done I suppose. Good luck, I'm interested to see where this goes!
Something I forgot to say: I had a hard time explaining the feelings I get to my straight bf. I didn't want to gross her out because I've seen her reactions before. Besides that, how do you tell a girl "yeah, I pitch a tent when I see a hot guy" like watching Twilight: Eclipse last night. Taylor is still gorgeous (shut up Thund! =P) but can a voice really turn you off? His is just so unmasculine. Like seriously...all that muscle and the voice of a 10-year old lolololol.
I feel the same way sometimes when I want to or start to talk about guys with my friend as well. I just feel like they may not want to hear all that, but maybe that’s something I need to get over. I think this may have already been asked, but do you know/are you friends with an guys who are or may be gay? I’m friends with at least one guy (and I’m pretty sure two others) who is gay and even though he doesn’t know that I am, my conversations with him are much easier and different, as they are with the other two as well (I’ve also known all of them for several years so that probably helps). If and when I felt like sharing this with him or them I think it’d be much easier to talk about guys with him rather than any girl, simply because we are both guys (and have similar interests).
As a side note on Taylor, that's funny I thought the exact same thing when he popped up in new moon (which I somehow convinced myself to rent..). All of a sudden among bella and the other guy who’s name I can’t remember’s subtle voices I heard “BELLA!” and was like who the fuck is that. I think they make his voice sound even more obnoxious because they talk so low and disjointed for whatever reason.
