I graduated in January with a Journalism and Broadcasting degree. I'd wanted to do Journalism for years, however, at Christmas (shortly before graduation) I realised I really wanted to do Photography, too. This was great and all when I went back to uni but something didn't feel right. I felt like I was just getting out of something that'd be my dream career because I was somewhat afraid of what'd happen. I've had experience and stuff with Journalism and I know it's something I want to do but... anyway back to the story. With Photography I ended up sucking at using the manual cameras (really good at DSLRs, though), and ended up pulling out midway because I knew I'd fail without having to spend thousands of hours and way too much money on it. This meant for the first time in my life I had to look for a job. Third job I applied for, I got. It was in retail.
At the time I tried to convince everyone IRL that there weren't enough opportunities for Journalism and that I want to try and do every sort of thing and then do Journalism. I kept making excuses and to an extent, I still kind of do. My job right now is perfectly fine - I enjoy it (newsagency btw, I sell lotto, magazines etc), and the people there are great, but it's... so easy. I feel like I don't really belong there. I love it but I know it isn't where I belong. A news reporter came into our store the other day, and one of my co-workers pointed out to me that he was in the store, and I was like, I don't know what to sayyy. He pretty much told me what to say, and... it made me sad to have to tell the news reporter that only reason I'm not doing Journalism is because the market isn't good. What sucks is if I put my mind to it I'm sure I could get a Journalism job, I have experience writing for things and I have good references. It'd be so easy, but I'm still so... afraid sort of. I feel like, ugh, I'm a perfectionist in that I feel like my... everything has to be perfect before I get the dream job. Like that my writing would be perfect, hair perfect, clothes perfect, everything. I put it off for that reason, and the reason that I'm afraid that I'm not going to be perfect at it. I know I'm not meant to be perfect at anything, but I just... really want to be able to make a good impression at something.
By August I'll have been working at this job for a year, and at that point I plan to leave it, and move to another city, to where there's slightly more Journalism opportunities. It's huge, and I'm not even sure I can go through with it, but I really know I want to, and every time on work experience I just felt like... "I know this is what I'm meant to do", but fear has held me back. The plus side is, with the broadcasting side of Journalism they take people with more life experience, and at least by that point I'll have a lot more life experience that I would've had in January. I'm still sad that others are out there doing stuff but I let fear hold me back. I know I can do it, and I know I'll be a great journalist (even like, The Smog stuff - I enjoy that immensely only because it's a taste of what I could be doing if I wasn't afraid so many months ago). It sucks because I never could really imagine me in the future, and I could never really imagine me having any sort of job, or even going in a plane (latter of which was recently!) but I feel like I've done so much more than I thought I could, and even if I can't see it, I know I could do it, and I know I'd be amazing at it. I know it's what I'm meant to do.
As for uni, my grades weren't amazing but I wasn't trying hard and didn't feel like grades really mattered, except in one class where one teacher pretty much said I was the best in the class, and knowing that she was a successful broadcaster, that made me feel amazing. Plus the feedback on this volunteering media thing I got was really great (and a lot better feedback than the others got), so I guess I know I'm not bad at it.
On another note, I also want to get into Photography on the side, too, and actually involve that in my future work. I'm considering selling photography online for now, and then going into more later on, but something with both of them combined would be amazing because they're both really my passions. Even for photography I was like best in the class at one certain task. I also took photos for my Aunty's wedding recently, and it just reminded me that I'm not bad at it, I'm good at what I'm good at for a reason. I may seem dumb in other things but when it comes to writing, photography, and being determined to make something happen... then that's really what I'm best at. I know that when I get a job in the industry I'll be like "fuck why didn't I do this sooner" but I've honestly learnt a lot at my job, and it's probably better off that I didn't go straight into Journalism. One day I'll be the best, and I really will try my hardest to make that day next year. I'm ready for that new start, and I'm ready to no longer be afraid.
/tl;dr