Theorymonning: The Pokémon Spectacular

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To no one's surprise, contests are returning in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, but as with many other slogans, they're "better than ever!" Contests are being replaced by the "Pokémon Contest Spectacular," a culture that reintroduces the original contest system with endless changes that will inevitably be hit-or-miss in the end. We should have learned to expect this kind of thing from Game Freak by now, right? And as with every new feature in a Pokémon game, we're going to preemptively analyze what little information we have to death in order to form a hypothesis beforehand. Said hypothesis is likely to ruin our enjoyment of the feature when the games are released, but what Pokémon fans would we be otherwise?

The Cosplay Pikachu (why they're probably the best thing ever)

Remember the fabled Surfing Pikachu that everyone scoffed at until it was proven through Stadium that it was possible to obtain? Once again, a new spin has been added to Pikachu as well as contests, and that is the Cosplay Pikachu. At first glance, it just looks like Yaya Han's Pikachu escaped from captivity, but it's actually a new form of Pikachu that adores participating in contests. By that, I mean its costumes have been endowed with some high-tech modification that allows it to use different attacks depending on the outfit. I mean, Yaya Han can do that too: it explains her ability to use Captivate to win all of her contests; it has nothing to do with her cleavage.

Regardless of whatever wizard of a scientist developed the outfits, they're all unique in that they grant Pikachu a different move. Upon inspection of each garb, you find that each one is rather ludicrous in some respect, but Pikachu is still cute as the dickens. Moves in contests can now stack with certain other moves to appeal to the crowd even better. Let's take a few moments to analyze these outfits, what magical powers they grant, and how we think they might pair up with other things in Pikachu's arsenal.

The Pikachu Rock Star sports the edgiest leather jacket since Steven Tyler, and the weirdest yet somehow pretty cool fur neck... thing. I don't think anyone's quite sure where it's going with that. Finally, eyebrows that somehow defy gravity are probably the main reason Pikachu Rock Star's design was approved. If you stare hard enough, they're actually quite reminiscent of Fennekin, don't you think? No? Maybe not. This form gets Meteor Mash, which is most definitely a reference to the heavy metal music that this Pikachu would be playing, given Meteor Mash's Steel typing. What would that attack even look like? I'm pretty sure Pikachu's tiny fist will just glow, and then what? Unless it pulls a guitar out of that neck scruff and sets it on fire, I don't think there'll be much appeal going on.

The Pikachu Belle bears an uncanny resemblance to Betsy Ross, minus the creation of a national flag. Belle is most definitely wearing a bonnet, but the odd configuration extending beyond that is questionable. This outfit's monstrous petticoat somehow gives Pikachu the ability to conjure ice in the form of Icicle Crash. It's quite unnerving, thinking about what goes on underneath those layers to make this move possible, but it happens and nobody's stopping it. Why is nobody stopping it? Icicle Crash will probably pair quite well with another Electric-type attack under Pikachu's belt, such as Thunderbolt, to make the ice shimmer and sparkle. But then again, in the anime, doesn't every move combination cause a "shimmer and sparkle"?

The Pikachu Pop Star was taken straight out of a Japanese game show. Literally. Just look at its eyes, and that embarrassingly short skirt. What if it's a male Pikachu? I'm scared of what might be lurking underneath if someone launches a Tailwind in the wrong direction. Anyway, this outfit gives Pikachu the move Draining Kiss. If it's anything like how Sylveon uses this move in the anime, then those enormous pink splotches (did Pikachu get a make-up tutorial from Willam Belli?) will come alive and sap the life straight out of the other contestants. I don't know how this bodes for move combinations... Perhaps the use of Charge beforehand will turn Draining Kiss into something reminiscent of Adventure Time, effectively turning Pikachu Pop Star into a soul-sucking monster. Unlikely, but this is Game Freak we're talking about.

The Pikachu, Ph. D. has a lot going on, and it's all pretty straightforward. Obviously, this outfit tells a story: Pikachu had a life-long goal of going to college and earning its degree in—I don't know—astrophysics. But nothing ever worked out in Pikachu's favor, and when he (or she, the gender is neither here or nor there at this point) failed his last exam, he went on a rampage. This resulted in the theft of a mortarboard, a labcoat belonging to a brutally assaulted fellow collegiate, and Chobin's glasses, all carried out with the most sinister of smirks. Or, maybe he was just outraged at the new hairdo he got at the Lumiose salon. I would be, too, if I were stuck with side braids and a stiff fringe. This troubled child's pent-up anger has resulted in its move being Electric Terrain. This powers up Electric-type attacks, so maybe it'll be a nice excuse to use a Thunderbolt to the high heavens.

The Pikachu Libre has all the makings of the next Jack Black circa Nacho Libre. It's all there, from the oversized pants to the crop top. It also resembles Rey Mysterio, and it's no surprise that the new move available is Flying Press. Actually, it is kind of a surprise, because I can't imagine what would pair well with an attack in which Pikachu basically slams itself into the ground. Maybe Volt Tackle? But then, we'd be really going overboard with the field destruction. We're aiming to APPEAL, Game Freak, not terrify.

PokéBlocks (why Poffins are probably so much better)

Every iteration of performance-based minigames in the main line of Pokémon titles has had coinciding features that boost performance. These enhancements were meant to improve a Pokémon's appearance or unseen qualities like Coolness or Toughness. In other words, it's the stuff that none of your Pokémon's friends will care about once they graduate. In Ruby and Sapphire, the steroidal supplements were known as PokéBlocks. PokéBlocks were created by dropping a mixture of berries into a blender, followed by many stressful moments of trying to accurately mash the "A" button when the spinning arrow aligned with your mark on the machine. After many failed attempts, you were left with a block that, depending on the berries used, would enhance a certain quality of your Pokémon.

From what we know, PokéBlocks are returning in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, and the system is unlikely to change. I mean, why would it? Diamond and Pearl introduced Poffins, which are created by mixing berries on a hot plate until the powers that be decide to solidify the mixture into a fluffy cake. How it works is beyond any reasonable explanation—all I know is that nobody knows how to properly measure ingredients. Spilling Poffin mixture is easier than putting the berries into the pot, and figuring out when to spin fast is more difficult than it's worth. With that said, the simplicity of creating PokéBlocks is what made it more fun than Poffins. Just something about gathering a group of friends over Wi-Fi to mix berries until everyone grew so frustrated they threw their GameBoys into traffic was so fulfilling.

Whether or not PokéBlocks follow their familiar vein of creation this time around or become overly complex remains to be seen. However, if it is to be, let's hope for the sake of replacing a $250 3DS that it's not possible to burn the damn things.

Mega Evolution's Grand Entrance (why it's probably nothing special)

Mega Evolution, introduced in Pokémon X and Y, is a new staple of the franchise. In this transformation, a Pokémon taps into and takes advantage of their "hidden strength." However, Game Freak has enacted yet another twist, in that Mega Evolution can now take place within contests! What's better than a young, aspiring coordinator prematurely tapping into an enormously difficult-to-tame strength that unexpectedly turns their adorable, loving Heracross into a monster from the dark depths of the Central American rainforest? It's just what we need: a performance in a Cuteness Contest turning into a nightmare, all in the blink of an eye.

To clarify, a new feature called the "Excite Meter" dictates when a player can activate their Pokémon's Mega Evolution. Details of the Excite Meter are scarce, but it's supposed to gradually fill during the Talent Round, and once it hits a certain peak, there will be an opportunity to Mega Evolve. This Mega Evolution allows your Pokémon to put on an additional stunning display that will appeal to the crowd.

You're in awe, aren't you? If not, then you're probably like me in realizing that Mega Evolution will probably actually suck. What could Mega Evolution really add to a performance? The actual evolution process itself is really flashy, but it doesn't change, as far as we know, from Pokémon to Pokémon. It's actually somewhat flat in that respect. If each Pokémon had a unique animation that appeared only during contests, that would be quite something to watch. However, if that's absent, I wouldn't bet a penny on it being anything extraordinary. But who knows? Game Freak likes to pull things out of their butts (read: Mega Audino) so this could be no exception.

In the end, nobody really knows yet what the Contest Spectacular will bring us in terms of entertainment. Contests in ADV were arguably the peak when it came to minigames in that generation, and ORAS has the potential to carry on its legacy. With that said, only time will tell, and November 21st couldn't come any faster.

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