GRAMMAR DOJO: see post #61

Lumari

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Kyurem's Dragon / Ice (spacing) typing provides a is decent defensively typing (ugly repetition is ugly), resisting Grass-, Water-, and Electric-type (spacing) attacks. It also has decent offensive coverage, only being resisted by Steel- types. Kyurem has complemented by Earth Power to take care of the Steel-types (spacing) that tend to tank its STAB moves. (the repetition of Steel-types made this flow really bad, it's more concise this way) It's Its typing on the defensive side, with its (fluff) 125 / 90 / 90 (spacing) bulk, (RC) means it can take hits, while its 130 / 130 (spacing) offenses means mean (subject-verb disagreement) it isn't a sitting duck. This Its defensive prowess (clarification) allows its ability, Pressure, to shine, (AC) as it means it can also (redundant) effectively stall super-effective (remove hyphen) attacks, such as Stone Edge or Close Combat, from threats. (this way it's fluff, either remove or specify it) Kyurem also (flow) has reliable recovery in Roost, (AC) which adds to its ability to Pressure stall. It is also This makes it (better flow, seemed really isolated otherwise) the only pokemon in UU with the ability to use Pressure effectively and be offensively ready dangerous right off the bat. However, Kyurem does have its flaws that don't allow it to be prevent it from being a top tier threat. It has a hard time getting around special walls, such as Blissey, Florges, Umbreon, and Snorlax. It has to run a not commonly seen move on Kyurem: Focus Blast. , having to resort to running Focus Blast for defeating the latter two. However, even with this, it still cannot get past Blissey or Florges, another Kyurem stop. (cleaning up prose) Also, (AC) as an offensive beast, offensively (too popular for my taste) it is stuck at the 95 Speed tier., (remove period, add comma) This speed tier seems awesome but there are leaving it outsped by many threats that can put a stop to Kyurem such as Hydreigon, Infernape, or Mienshao. (too much fluff) Each one of these have has (subject-verb disagreement) a STAB move that can outright OHKO Kyurem.
 
Kyurem's Dragon/Ice typing provides a decent defensive typing, resisting Grass-, Water-, and Electric- type attacks. It also has decent offensive coverage, only being resisted by Steel- types. Kyurem has Earth Power to take care of the Steel- types that tend to tank its STAB moves. It's typing on the defensive side, with its 125/90/90 bulk, means it can take hits, while its 130/130 offenses means it isn't a sitting duck. This allows its ability, Pressure, to shine as it means it can also effectively stall super-effective attacks, such as Stone Edge or Close Combat, from threats. Kyurem has reliable recovery which adds to its ability to Pressure stall. It is also the only pokemon in UU with the ability to use Pressure effectively and be offensively ready right off the bat. However, Kyurem does have its flaws that don't allow it to be a top tier threat. It has a hard time getting around special walls, such as Blissey, Umbreon, and Snorlax. It has to run a not commonly seen move on Kyurem: Focus Blast. However, with this, it still cannot get past Blissey or Florges, another Kyurem stop. Also as an offensive beast, it is stuck at the 95 speed tier. This speed tier seems awesome but there are many threats that can put a stop to Kyurem such as Hydreigon, Infernape, or Mienshao. Each one of these have a STAB move that can outright OHKO Kyurem.


Kyurem's Dragon / Ice typing is decent defensively, providing a decent defensive typing, resisting resistances to Grass-, Water-, and Electric-type attacks. (1) It also has decent superb offensive coverage, with its STAB moves (2) only being resisted by Steel-types, which take heavy damage from Earth Power. Kyurem has Earth Power to take care of the Steel- types that tend to tank its STAB moves. (3) It's typing on the defensive side, with its 125/90/90 bulk and reliable recovery in Roost, (remove comma) means allow it to can take hits, while its 130/130 offenses means ensure it isn't a sitting duck (4). This allows its ability, Pressure, to shine as it means it can also effectively stall super-effective attacks, such as Stone Edge or Close Combat, from threats. Kyurem has reliable recovery which adds to its ability to Pressure stall. It is also the only pokemon in UU with the ability to use Pressure effectively and be offensively ready right off the bat. All this goes hand in hand with Pressure; indeed, Kyurem is one of the few Pokemon in UU that stall out low-PP moves while simultaneously applying offensive pressure. (5) However, Kyurem does have its flaws that don't allow it to prevent it from being a top-tier (6) threat. It has a hard time getting around special walls, (remove comma) such as Blissey, Umbreon, and Snorlax; even with Focus Blast, it is walled cold by It has to run a not commonly seen move on Kyurem: Focus Blast. However, with this, it still cannot get past Blissey or and Florges, another Kyurem stop. (7) Also as an offensive beast, it is stuck at the 95 speed tier. This speed tier seems awesome but there are many threats that can put a stop to Kyurem Base 95 Speed, while decent, leaves Kyurem outsped by threats such as Hydreigon, Infernape, or Mienshao, all of which can OHKO with a STAB move Each one of these have a STAB move that can outright OHKO Kyurem. (8)


Kyurem's Dragon / Ice typing is decent defensively, providing resistances to Grass-, Water-, and Electric-type attacks. It also has superb offensive coverage, with its STAB moves only being resisted by Steel-types, which take heavy damage from Earth Power. 125/90/90 bulk and reliable recovery in Roost, allow it to take hits, while its 130/130 offenses ensure it isn't a sitting duck. All this goes hand in hand with Pressure; indeed, Kyurem is one of the few Pokemon in UU with the ability to stall out low-PP moves while also applying offensive pressure. However, Kyurem does have its flaws that prevent it from being a top-tier threat. It has a hard time getting around special walls such as Blissey, Umbreon, and Snorlax; even with Focus Blast, it is walled cold by Blissey and Florges. Base 95 Speed, while decent, leaves Kyurem outsped by threats such as Hydreigon, Infernape, or Mienshao, all of which can OHKO with a STAB move.


  1. Yeah, 'xyz typing provides a decent defensive typing' sounds horrid as fuck, no need to go in-depth there. Additionally, a typing doesn't resist a move; the Pokemon does. Oh, and there should be a space around the slashes i.e., 'X / Y typing' :3
  2. All right, if your STAB moves are only resisted by one type, their coverage is definitely not just 'decent'. Secondly, the way it was written made it sound like 'offensive coverage is resisted only by Steel-types'; as such, specifically mention that it's the STAB moves that are resisted by Steel-types.
  3. Instead of starting a new sentence, just link the Earth Power-related information to the end of the old sentence to make the prose flow better.
  4. "It's typing on the defensive side" makes my eyes bleed ;_; Jokes aside, instead of referencing its defensive typing (an attribute we discussed already), proceed straight to the part about its bulk; also, shift the part about reliable recovery here, as Roost + good bulk is what allows Kyurem to sponge hits. 'means' is a pretty poor verb to use here (especially because you will end up confusing yourself with singular and plural nouns); change it to 'ensure' or 'allow' or the like.
  5. All right, I get it: Kyurem stalls well with Pressure while simultaneously applying offensive pressure. No need to rehash it over and over again; this is a good example of fluff you need to watch out for.
  6. Two things. "don't allow it to be" is a roundabout way of expressing thing; 'prevent it from' is more direct. Secondly, 'top-tier' is hyphenated.
  7. Again, the information about Focus Blast is being repeated over and over in an inelegant manner. Link 'with Focus Blast' to the fact that Kyurem is still walled by Blissey and Florges and be done with it.
  8. The prose became a little informal here. "while it seems awesome" is inappropriate for when you're discussing a flaw, that too as crucial a one as lack of Speed on an offensive Pokemon. Lastly, instead of having 'each of these ... OHKO Kyurem' as a separate sentence, link to the previous sentence mentioning the threats that can KO Kyurem.


As always, I'll give you folks a day or two to get doubts clarified, if any.
 
All right ... I assume you have gone through my explanations, so here's your next paragraph:

Hydro Pump is Ludicolo's main STAB move, being monstrous under the rain and gaining OHKOes and 2HKOes on most Pokemon which don't resist it: making it easy to spam. However, it is fairly inaccurate, so Surf can be used if you prefer accuracy over power. Please note, however, that Surf is more reliant on rain than Hydro Pump to deal heavy damage, so only run it on fully-dedicated rain teams. Giga Drain is the Grass-type STAB of choice, healing Ludicolo and giving it some kind of survivability. This works well alongside Life Orb as it negates the recoil somewhat, and it also helps Ludicolo deal with poison or burn for a little longer before being forced out. Ice Beam is absolutely necessary for Ludicolo to deal with opposing Grass-types which resist Ludicolo's STAB combination. Furthermore, it is Ludicolo's best bet at dealing with Druddigon; someone which Ludicolo couldn't even dream of handling before. This gives Ludicolo perfect neutral coverage against all relevant Pokemon. Finally, Rain Dance is a necessity for Ludicolo as it lets it set up rain and continue its sweep. You should use Focus Blast over Rain Dance to hit Abomasnow and Ferroseed hard on switch-in, but those are its only targets and it is far too inaccurate to be recommended, and Ludicolo is pretty reliant on Rain Dance as there is no Drizzle Politoed to set up rain for it.
 
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Hydro Pump is Ludicolo's main STAB move, being monstrous under the rain and gaining OHKOes and 2HKOes on OHKOing and 2HKOing most Pokemon which that don't resist it, (AC) : (RColon) making it easy to spam. However, it is fairly inaccurate, so Surf can be used if you prefer accuracy over power. Please Do note, however, that Surf is more reliant on needs rain than Hydro Pump to deal heavy damage, so only run it on fully-dedicated full rain teams. Giga Drain is the Grass-type STAB move of choice, healing Ludicolo and giving it some kind of added survivability. This works well alongside Life Orb, (AC) as it negates the helps to negate recoil damage somewhat, (RC) and it also helps Ludicolo better deal with poison or burn for a little longer before being forced out. Ice Beam is absolutely necessary for Ludicolo to deal with opposing Grass-types which that resist Ludicolo's STAB combination. Furthermore, it is Ludicolo's best bet at dealing with Druddigon; someone a Pokemon which Ludicolo couldn't even dream of handling before. This gives Ludicolo perfect neutral coverage against all relevant Pokemon. Finally, Rain Dance is a necessity for Ludicolo, (AC) as it lets it set up rain and continue its sweep. You should can use Focus Blast over Rain Dance to hit Abomasnow and Ferroseed hard on switch-in the switch, but those are its only targets, (AC) and it is far too very inaccurate to be recommended, and Ludicolo is pretty reliant on Rain Dance, anyway. as there is no Drizzle Politoed to set up rain for it.
 
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Ununhexium

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Hydro Pump is Ludicolo's main STAB move, being having monstrous power under the rain and gaining OHKOes and 2HKOes on most Pokemon which don't resist it:, making it easy to spam. However, it is fairly inaccurate, so Surf can be used if you prefer accuracy over power. Please note, however, that Surf is more reliant on rain than Hydro Pump to deal heavy damage, so only run it on fully-dedicated rain teams. Giga Drain is the Grass-type STAB move of choice, healing Ludicolo and giving it some kind of survivability dealing damage while healing Ludicolo slightly messy prose. This works well alongside Life Orb as it somewhat negates the recoil somewhat, and it also helps Ludicolo deal with poison or burn for a little longer before being forced out. Ice Beam is absolutely necessary for Ludicolo, as it allows Ludicolo to deal with opposing Grass-types which resist Ludicolo's STAB combination. Furthermore, it is Ludicolo's best bet at dealing with Druddigon; someone which Ludicolo couldn't even dream of handling before without it. This gives Ludicolo perfect neutral coverage against all relevant Pokemon. Finally, Rain Dance is a necessity for Ludicolo as it lets it set up rain and continue its sweep. You shcould use Focus Blast over Rain Dance to hit Abomasnow and Ferroseed hard on switch-in, but those are its only targets and it is far too inaccurate to be recommended chosen most of the time,. and Ludicolo is also pretty reliant on Rain Dance to sweep anyways. as there is no Drizzle Politoed to set up rain for it.
 

RockRocks

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Hydro Pump is Ludicolo's main STAB move, being monstrous under the rain and gaining OHKOinges and 2HKOinges on most Pokemon that which don't resist it, (AC) : making it easy to spam. However, it is fairly inaccurate, so Surf can be used if you prefer accuracy over power. Please It should be noted, however, that Surf is more reliant on rain than Hydro Pump to deal heavy damage, so only run it on fully-dedicated rain teams. Giga Drain is the secondary Grass-type STAB move of choice, dealing out the pain while simultaneously healing Ludicolo, (AC) and giving it some kind of survivability. This works well alongside Life Orb as it somewhat negates the recoil somewhat, (AC) and it also helps Ludicolo deal with poison or burn. (AP) for a little longer before being forced out. Ice Beam is absolutely necessary, allowing for Ludicolo to deal with opposing Grass-types, (AC) which resist Ludicolo's STAB combination. Furthermore, it is Ludicolo's best bet at dealing with Druddigon. (Add period) ; someone which Ludicolo couldn't even dream of handling before. This gives Ludicolo perfect neutral coverage against all relevant Pokemon. Finally, Rain Dance is a necessity for Ludicolo, (AC) letting as it lets it set up rain and continue its sweep. You should could use Focus Blast over Rain Dance to hit Abomasnow and Ferroseed hard on the switch-in, but those are its only targets and it is far too inaccurate to be consistently used over Rain Dance. recommended, and Ludicolo is pretty reliant on Rain Dance, anyway. as there is no Drizzle Politoed to set up rain for it.
 
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Lumari

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Hydro Pump is Ludicolo's main STAB move, being monstrous under the rain and gaining OHKOesing and 2HKOesing on most Pokemon which that don't resist it under the rain:, (remove colon, add comma) making it easy to spam. However, it is fairly inaccurate, so Surf can be used if you prefer accuracy over power. Please note, However, that Surf is more reliant on rain than Hydro Pump to deal heavy damage, so only run it on fully-dedicated rain teams. Giga Drain is the Grass-type STAB move of choice, healing Ludicolo and giving it some kind of more survivability. This works well alongside Life Orb as it negates helps mitigating the recoil somewhat, and it also helps Ludicolo deal with poison or burn for a little longer before being forced out. Ice Beam is absolutely necessary for Ludicolo to deal with opposing Grass-types which that resist Ludicolo's STAB combination. Furthermore, it is Ludicolo's best bet at dealing with Druddigon; someone, (AC) which Ludicolo couldn't even dream of handling before otherwise (conditional, not temporal). This gives Ludicolo perfect neutral coverage against all relevant Pokemon (fluff). Finally, Rain Dance is a necessity for Ludicolo, (AC) as it lets it set up rain and continue its sweep. You should could (suggestion, not a recommendation) use Focus Blast over Rain Dance to hit Abomasnow and Ferroseed hard on the switch-in, but those are its only targets and it is far too very inaccurate to be recommended. (RC, add period because we hate parataxis) and Ludicolo is pretty reliant on Rain Dance as there is no Drizzle Politoed to set up rain for it anyway.
 
Hydro Pump is Ludicolo's main STAB move, being monstrous under the rain and gaining OHKOes and 2HKOes on most Pokemon which don't resist it: making it easy to spam. However, it is fairly inaccurate, so Surf can be used if you prefer accuracy over power. Please note, however, that Surf is more reliant on rain than Hydro Pump to deal heavy damage, so only run it on fully-dedicated rain teams. Giga Drain is the Grass-type STAB of choice, healing Ludicolo and giving it some kind of survivability. This works well alongside Life Orb as it negates the recoil somewhat, and it also helps Ludicolo deal with poison or burn for a little longer before being forced out. Ice Beam is absolutely necessary for Ludicolo to deal with opposing Grass-types which resist Ludicolo's STAB combination. Furthermore, it is Ludicolo's best bet at dealing with Druddigon; someone which Ludicolo couldn't even dream of handling before. This gives Ludicolo perfect neutral coverage against all relevant Pokemon. Finally, Rain Dance is a necessity for Ludicolo as it lets it set up rain and continue its sweep. You should use Focus Blast over Rain Dance to hit Abomasnow and Ferroseed hard on switch-in, but those are its only targets and it is far too inaccurate to be recommended, and Ludicolo is pretty reliant on Rain Dance as there is no Drizzle Politoed to set up rain for it.


Hydro Pump is Ludicolo's main STAB move, being monstrous under the rain and gaining OHKOing and or 2HKOing in the rain on (1) most Pokemon which that don't resist it; this makes (2) it easy to spam. However, it is fairly inaccurate, so Surf can be used if you prefer accuracy over power. Please note, however, that Surf is more reliant on rain than Hydro Pump to deal heavy damage, so only run it on fully-dedicated rain teams. Giga Drain is the Grass-type STAB move (3) of choice, healing Ludicolo and giving it some kind of survivability longevity (4). This works well alongside Life Orb as it negates the recoil somewhat, and it also helps Ludicolo deal with poison or burn for a little longer before being forced out. Ice Beam is absolutely necessary for Ludicolo to deal with opposing Grass-types which that resist Ludicolo's its STAB combination, as well as Druddigon Furthermore, it is Ludicolo's best bet at dealing with Druddigon; someone which Ludicolo couldn't even dream of handling before (5). This gives Ludicolo perfect neutral coverage against all relevant Pokemon. Finally, Rain Dance is a necessity for Ludicolo as it lets it to (6) set up rain and continue its sweep. You should could (7) use Focus Blast over Rain Dance for Ludicolo to hit Abomasnow and Ferroseed hard on the (8) switch-in, but those are its only targets, (add comma) (9) and it is far too inaccurate to be recommended; besides, and (10) Ludicolo is pretty reliant on Rain Dance to sweep (11) as there is no Drizzle Politoed to set up rain for it.


Hydro Pump is Ludicolo's main STAB move, OHKOing or 2HKOing most Pokemon that don't resist it; this makes it easy to spam. However, it is fairly inaccurate, so Surf can be used if you prefer accuracy over power. Please note, however, that Surf is more reliant on rain than Hydro Pump to deal heavy damage, so only run it on dedicated rain teams. Giga Drain is the Grass-type STAB move of choice, healing Ludicolo and giving it some kind of longevity. This works well alongside Life Orb as it negates the recoil somewhat, and it also helps Ludicolo deal with poison or burn for a little longer before being forced out. Ice Beam is absolutely necessary for Ludicolo to deal with opposing Grass-types that resist its STAB combination, as well as Druddigon. This gives Ludicolo perfect neutral coverage against all relevant Pokemon. Finally, Rain Dance is a necessity for Ludicolo to set up rain and continue its sweep. You could use Focus Blast over Rain Dance for Ludicolo to hit Abomasnow and Ferroseed hard on the switch-in, but those are its only targets, and it is far too inaccurate to be recommended; besides, Ludicolo is pretty reliant on Rain Dance to sweep as there is no Drizzle Politoed to set up rain for it.


  1. Get to the point. Instead of overselling Hydro Pump's potency and making it sound like Water Spout, get to the point: it 2HKOes or OHKOes in the rain almost anything that doesn't resist it.
  2. First, 'which' --> 'that'. Remember, you only use 'which' with a non-essential clause. Check out this link for more information on the 'that' vs 'which' issue. Secondly, I noticed a lot of people putting a comma here and continuing with "... making it". This is wrong, for you've already switched from simple present to present continuous in the sentence (i.e., at the "OHKOing or 2HKOing ..." part). Putting a comma after the dependent clause "OHKOing or 2HKOing ... resist it" and again putting a dependent clause in the present continuous tense there is incorrect. Instead, put a semi-colon and start an independent clause there ("this makes it easy to spam").
  3. You say 'STAB move' to refer to 'an attack that gets STAB'.
  4. A very common error. 'survivability' refers to how survivable a situation or place is. 'longevity' is the word you should use to refer to how durable a Pokemon is.
  5. Some flowery prose here. You don't need a separate sentence to talk about Druddigon being covered by Ice Beam; just link it to the previous sentence.
  6. To avoid confusion over what the two "it"s refers to, remove the "as it lets it" part and replace it with a simple "to". The sentence also flows better, as you have a direct bridge (in "to") between 'Rain Dance' and how the move is beneficial to Ludicolo.
  7. Using Focus Blast is a suggestion, and a shaky one at that. 'should --> 'could' as a result. 'can' is also an option, but as you later have a 'but' there (implying that the use of Focus Blast isn't advisable), you go with 'could'. 'can' implies a higher degree of possibility.
  8. Without 'for Ludicolo', the sentence sounds as if the player is hitting said Pokemon with Focus Blast, which is incorrect. A Pokemon, not the player, hits another Pokemon with a move.
  9. "it is far ... be recommended" is an independent clause, and so is "those are its only targets". Thus, you need a comma between the two.
  10. Putting another 'and' there to continue the sentence makes for bad prose. You are providing another reason (arguably the most important one) for why Focus Blast isn't a good idea, so it makes sense to give it greater emphasis by setting it off with a semi-colon and using 'besides'.
  11. You might as well make it clear just why Ludicolo needs Rain Dance so much: 'to sweep'.


As always, I'll give you folks a day or two to get your doubts clarified. Oh, and once you're done reading, like this post so I can know when to post the next paragraph.
 
Sorry guys my modem quite literally went up in smoke X_X Hope it's fixed for good by now, but anyway, I would like to change the way I'm running this project right now. Basically, the "twice-a-week" model isn't working for me; I am tired as fuck after travelling ~50 miles every day to and from uni, so I can only do dedicated work such as posting answers on weekends.

As such, I'll be posting one paragraph per week. The difference is that from now on, you will be posting a set of explanations for your changes with your answer. At the end of the week, I'll go through your answers and decide which one got the most right (kinda on the lines of the RMC thread, except I'm rating your responses to a paragraph I provide, as opposed to your own amateur checks.)

All right, with that said, here's your paragraph. For context, it's from a singles analysis, and it mentions good teammates for Accelgor:

Ghost types are great teammates as they can block Rapid Spin. Doublade defeats all the relevant Rapid Spin users one on one. Mega Bannete appreciates the Spikes support as it can pressurize stall with Taunt and Knock Off and offense with its priority attacks and Destiny Bond mind games forcing many switches. It can also sometimes prevent Defog with its priority Taunt. Braviary can take advantage of Defiant with Defog and proceed to deal heavy damage to the opposing team with its high powered attacks. Cobalion and Rhyperior can set up Stealth Rock, further complementing the Spikes set up by Accelgor. Powerful attackers such as Hitmonlee, Zangoose, Sharpedo, Yanmega and Zoroark hugely appreciate Spikes as they force a lot of switches and spikes also allow them to OHKO and 2HKO many threats that they could not otherwise. They also deter the usage of Defog and Rapid Spin due to the huge offensive pressure they put on the opponent. Sharpedo and Yanmega get special mention as they can easily clean late game with spikes support, thanks for their high offenses and Speed Boost. Choice Specs Yanmega becomes almost uncounterable with Spikes support as its best counter specially defensive Registeel can be easily worn down by Spikes.
 

frenzyplant

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Ghost types are great teammates as they can block Rapid Spin. Doublade defeats all the relevant Rapid Spin users one on one. Mega Bannete appreciates the Spikes support as it can pressurize stall with Taunt and Knock Off and offense with its priority attacks and Destiny Bond mind games forcing many switches. It can also sometimes prevent Defog with its priority Taunt. Braviary can take advantage of Defiant with Defog and proceed to deal heavy damage to the opposing team with its high powered attacks. Cobalion and Rhyperior can set up Stealth Rock, further complementing the Spikes set up by Accelgor. Powerful attackers such as Hitmonlee, Zangoose, Sharpedo, Yanmega and Zoroark hugely appreciate Spikes as they force a lot of switches and spikes also allow them to OHKO and 2HKO many threats that they could not otherwise. They also deter the usage of Defog and Rapid Spin due to the huge offensive pressure they put on the opponent. Sharpedo and Yanmega get special mention as they can easily clean late game with spikes support, thanks for their high offenses and Speed Boost. Choice Specs Yanmega becomes almost uncounterable with Spikes support as its best counter specially defensive Registeel can be easily worn down by Spikes.

Ghost-types are great teammates as they can block Rapid Spin. Doublade defeats all the relevant Rapid Spin users one-on-one. Mega Banette appreciates the Spikes support as it can force many switches by pressuring stall with Taunt and Knock Off, and by playing mind games with offense using priority attacks and Destiny Bond. It can also sometimes prevent Defog with its priority Taunt. Braviary can take advantage of Defog with Defiant and proceed to deal heavy damage to the opposing team. Cobalion and Rhyperior can set up Stealth Rock to complement the Spikes set up by Accelgor. Powerful attackers such as Hitmonlee, Zangoose, Sharpedo, Yanmega, and Zoroark hugely appreciate Spikes as they force a lot of switches and deter the usage of Defog and Rapid Spin due to the huge amount of offensive pressure they put on the opponent. Spikes also allow them to OHKO and 2HKO many threats that they could not otherwise. Sharpedo and Yanmega get special mentions as they can easily clean late-game with Spikes support, thanks to their high offenses and Speed Boost. Choice Specs Yanmega in particular becomes almost uncounterable with Spikes support as its best counter, specially defensive Registeel, can be easily worn down by Spikes.

add/change remove capitalization (comments) numbering

Ghost-types (add dash 1) are great teammates as they can block Rapid Spin. Doublade defeats all the relevant Rapid Spin users one-on-one (add dashes 2). Mega Banette 3 appreciates the Spikes support as it can force many switches by see 6a below pressuring 4 stall with Taunt and Knock Off, and by playing mind games with see 6b below offense using its 5 priority attacks and Destiny Bond mind games forcing many switches 6. It can also sometimes prevent Defog with its priority Taunt. Braviary can take advantage of Defiant with Defog Defog with its ability Defiant 7 and proceed to deal heavy damage to the opposing team with its high powered attacks 8. Cobalion and Rhyperior can set up Stealth Rock, further to complementing 9 the Spikes set up by Accelgor. Powerful attackers such as Hitmonlee, Zangoose, Sharpedo, Yanmega, (add comma) 10 and Zoroark hugely appreciate Spikes as they force a lot of switches and deter the usage of Defog and Rapid Spin due to the huge amount of offensive pressure they put on the opponent. (moved from below 11) and Spikes 12 also allow them to OHKO and 2HKO many threats that they could not otherwise. They also deter the usage of Defog and Rapid Spin due to the huge offensive pressure they put on the opponent. (moved this up, see 11) Sharpedo and Yanmega get special mentions 13 as they can easily clean late-game (add dash 14) with Spikes 15 support, thanks to 16 their high offenses and Speed Boost. Choice Specs Yanmega in particular 17 becomes almost uncounterable with Spikes support as its best counter, (add comma 18a) specially defensive Registeel, (add comma 18b) can be easily worn down by Spikes.

1. "Ghost-types" is hyphenated.
2. "one-on-one" is also hyphenated.
3. "Banette" is misspelled.
4. "pressurize" is misused. "pressure" fits the sentence better and is probably what the writer intended - changed tense to "pressuring" to fit with further changes.
5. "with" to "using" to avoid the repetition of the former; removed "its" to create parallels with the stall section.
6a. Moved "mind games" from the rather wordy end to the offense section. Moved "forcing many switches" again from the rather wordy end to the beginning, as pressuring stall is not why Mega Banette appreciates Spikes support.
7. Original was ordered wrong; Braviary can take advantage of the opponent's using Defog with its ability Defiant, which gives it a boost. "its ability" added for further clarification.
8. Fluff.
9. The "further" should not be here, as this is the first complementing done by Cobalion and Rhyperior, not an additional one.
10. Use the serial comma.
11. This sentence is long, and this is like a good place to split it into two, as it is by the coordinating conjunction. Also, the sentence beginning with "They also deter" fits better here with this first clause at it is about the passive qualities of the Pokemon (forcing switches, deterring Defog and Rapid Spin) and not the active qualities (OHKOing or 2HKOing many threats) - in this sentence, changed "huge offensive pressure" to "huge amount of offensive pressure" because the actual pressure is not great in size, but the amount of it is.
12. "Spikes" is capitalized because it's a move.
13. The subject is plural so "mention" should be plural as well.
14. "late-game" is hyphenated.
15. "Spikes" is capitalized because it's a move.
16. "thanks for" isn't idiomatically proper.
17. Yanmega was already mentioned earlier, and this is a special case of it.
18a,b. "specially defensive Registeel" is an appositive and needs to be punctuated with commas.
 

Lumari

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Ghost-types (1) are great teammates, (AC) as they can block Rapid Spin. Doublade defeats all the relevant Rapid Spin users one-on-one. (2) Mega Bannete Banette (3) appreciates the Spikes support, (AC) as it can force many switches by pressurizeing stall with Taunt and Knock Off, (AC) and as well as offense with its priority attacks and Destiny Bond mind games forcing many switches. (4) It can also sometimes prevent Defog with its priority Taunt. Braviary can take advantage of Defiant Defog with Defog Defiant (5) and proceed to deal heavy damage to the opposing team with its high-powered attacks. (6) Cobalion and Rhyperior can set up Stealth Rock, further (7) complementing the Spikes set up by Accelgor. Powerful attackers such as Hitmonlee, Zangoose, Sharpedo, Yanmega, (AC) (8) and Zoroark hugely appreciate Spikes, (AC) as they force a lot of switches. (add period) and Thus, Spikes also allow them to OHKO and 2HKO many threats that they could not otherwise. (9) They also deter the usage of Defog and Rapid Spin due to their huge offensive pressure they put on the opponent presence. (10) Sharpedo and Yanmega get special mention as they can easily clean up late game with Spikes support, thanks for to their high offenses and Speed Boost. Choice Specs Yanmega becomes almost uncounterable with Spikes support, (AC) as its best counter, (AC) specially defensive Registeel, (AC) (11) can be easily worn down by Spikes.


(1) (2) add hyphen, standard spelling rule
(3) spelling error
(4) Cleaning up messy prose because it was hard to find structure in this sentence. I moved 'force many switches' to the front, as that is the main reason why Banette appreciates Spikes; the remainder of the sentence then explained how he forced these switches, so I had to shift tenses a little. 'As well as' mainly improves readability, as there's an overkill of 'and's otherwise, which is especially confusing given the 'and' in front of Destiny Bond; by replacing the first 'and', the object of 'pressurizing' gets divided into two halves in a clear manner. I also removed 'mind games' because it frankly is completely redundant, Banette pressures offense with priority attacks and <priority> DB.
(5) Braviary doesn't take advantage of Defiant, it takes advantage of Defog. (It abuses Defiant.)
(6) fluff
(7) fluff, and incorrect because it would imply the Spikes were also complemented in another manner
(8) serial comma
(9) overly long sentence, I split it. Also, the switches they force are the reason Spikes allow them to gain additional OHKOs and 2HKOs, which wasn't expressed in the original and I frankly couldn't implement without splitting the sentence.
(10) more concise and thus more readable, the original was unnecessarily fluffy
(11) put parenthesis between commas
 

Ender

pelagic
is a Contributor Alumnus
Hey guys, C_P isn't going to be able to make it today and has asked me to grade these, so I'll give it a few more hours before I do so, just in case there are any last minute submissions anyone wants to make.
 

Ender

pelagic
is a Contributor Alumnus
Because I have some time, I'm going to post my own answer key and the explanations for my changes. Compare mine to yours and see how they match up. If you have any questions about my revisions, please post here and we can definitely talk about them. Remember that no two checkers are going to make the same revisions on the same bit of writing, so if our checks differ, that's fine.

Remember, the most important things are catching all objective mechanical errors, not introducing any new mechanical errors, and trying to preserve the author's style of writing as much as possible (within reason).

Good job to our participants, and hopefully more of you will be able to participate next time!

Ghost types are great teammates, [comma] as they can block Rapid Spin. Doublade defeats all the relevant Rapid Spin users one-on-one. Mega Banette appreciates the Spikes support because it can force many switches by putting pressure on as it can pressurize stall with Taunt and Knock Off and offense with its priority attacks and Destiny Bond mind games forcing many switches. It can also sometimes prevent Defog with its priority Taunt. Braviary can take advantage of Defog with Defiant Defiant with Defog and proceed to deal heavy damage to the opposing team with its high-powered attacks. Cobalion and Rhyperior can set up Stealth Rock, which complements further complementing the Spikes set up by Accelgor. Powerful attackers such as Hitmonlee, Zangoose, Sharpedo, Yanmega, [comma] and Zoroark hugely appreciate Spikes, [comma] as they force a lot of switches, [comma] and Spikes also allow them to OHKO and 2HKO many threats that they otherwise could not otherwise. They These Pokemon also deter the usage of Defog and Rapid Spin due to the huge offensive pressure they put on the opponent. Sharpedo and Yanmega get special mentions, [comma] as they can easily clean late-game with Spikes support, thanks to for their high offenses and Speed Boost. Choice Specs Yanmega becomes almost uncounterable with Spikes support, [comma] as its best counter, [comma] specially defensive Registeel, [comma] can be easily worn down by Spikes.


Pay special attention to blue sentences, as they contain the most subjective elements.

  • The first comma is necessary because there always needs to be a comma for as when ", as" separates two independent clauses.
  • "One-on-one" is hyphenated by convention.
  • Banette was originally spelled incorrectly.
  • I removed "the" before "Spikes" because it was unnecessary because it's already implied that Spikes support is provided by Accelgor. However, if you really wanted to leave "the", it's technically okay.
  • The rest of the sentence had some problems with flow and was awkward to read. "Pressurizing" doesn't really fit, as it has a slightly different connotation than what is needed; as such, I decided to change it to "put pressure on" which more clearly conveys what the author is trying to say. I also decided to move the part about forcing switches to an earlier part of the sentence. The part about "mind games" isn't necessary to have, as it can be assumed the reader can figure out Destiny Bond has the potential to force switches.
  • The "sometimes" is unnecessary, as "can" already implies that this isn't a sure thing.
  • "High-powered" is hyphenated by convention as well.
  • I changed "further complementing" to "which complements" because the "further" isn't necessary, and "complementing" sounds awkward in my opinion. If you just deleted "further" however and left "complementing, that's most likely fine too.
  • The comma after Yanmega is necessary because it's a serial comma (aka oxford comma) which Smogon uses, though it technically isn't necessary anywhere else anymore (I personally still use it in my other writing, though).
  • Comma before "as" again, for the same reason as before.
  • The comma before "and" is necessary because it's a coordinating conjunction that connects two independent clauses.
  • "Spikes" should be capitalized because it's the name of a move.
  • The "otherwise" change is a completely subjective change that isn't necessary and is up to the GPer's judgment. In most cases, leaving it be would be perfectly fine. I felt that the sentence sounded better by changing its placement, but other GPers might not, so it isn't necessary to change if you felt it is fine as is.
  • The "they" in the next sentence is an ambiguous pronoun because it could be referring the the Pokemon or the Spikes, so I clarified by replacing it with a noun.
  • "Mentions" should be plural because it is referring to two different Pokemon. Same reasoning for the comma before "as".
  • "Late-game" should be hyphenated because of Smogon grammar rules.
  • Spikes should again be capitalized.
  • After thanks should go "to" not "for" - just a case of improper preposition.
  • Another "as" comma.
  • "specially defensive Registeel" is an appositive that should be set off by commas.
 
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Lumari

empty spaces
is a Site Content Manageris a Top Social Media Contributoris a Member of Senior Staffis a Community Contributoris a Top Contributoris a Top Smogon Media Contributoris an Administrator Alumnus
TFP Leader
Ender why exactly is 'pressurizing' inappropriate here? I have to admit that I've only ever run into this word once, and then I was told it was synonymous with 'pressuring', so I'm interested in what the difference is :) (also, I'm not a native speaker so I'm at a small natural disadvantage regarding the more subtle stuff, otherwise it might have been easier for me to catch it :\ )
 

Ender

pelagic
is a Contributor Alumnus
Ender why exactly is 'pressurizing' inappropriate here? I have to admit that I've only ever run into this word once, and then I was told it was synonymous with 'pressuring', so I'm interested in what the difference is :) (also, I'm not a native speaker so I'm at a small natural disadvantage regarding the more subtle stuff, otherwise it might have been easier for me to catch it :\ )
Hi there! The poster above (craymond727) did a very good job of explaining it! Pressuring and pressurizing are two separate words with different meanings. Pressurizing generally refers to (as was stated in the above post) putting a gas into a container (ie increasing the physical pressure within the container while pressuring usually means coercing or forcing (but perhaps a bit softer) - think something like "peer pressuring". I hope that helps, and if you are still confused definitely let me know and we'll get things cleared up!
 

Lumari

empty spaces
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TFP Leader
The Dutch Plumberjack Pressurizing implies adding pressure within a sealed container, like pumping air into a tire, whereas pressuring has a less specific application. At least, I think that's how Ender took it.
Hi there! The poster above (craymond727) did a very good job of explaining it! Pressuring and pressurizing are two separate words with different meanings. Pressurizing generally refers to (as was stated in the above post) putting a gas into a container (ie increasing the physical pressure within the container while pressuring usually means coercing or forcing (but perhaps a bit softer) - think something like "peer pressuring". I hope that helps, and if you are still confused definitely let me know and we'll get things cleared up!
Thanks guys ^_^ I also looked it up in Wiktionary (the only English to English online dictionary I know about), but that simply defined it as 'to put pressure on', so that wasn't helpful. But yeah, then it isn't hard to see why it's inappropriate here.
 
Sorry for the delay guys, but here's your next paragraph:

Start off by setting up entry hazards if and when possible, as this will apply some pressure to the opponent, causing them to think more carefully about switching in and out, and if there is no chance to set up hazards at first, start off with Protect to scout out the opponent's moves. Take full advantage of this to help in determining what moves the opponent could have and what you can do to counter it. Set up a Leech Seed after hazards have been set up and follow it up with Protect. This will help Ferroseed remain in control of the matchup; not only receiving HP each turn but also slowly wearing down opposing Pokemon. Opponents will attempt to switch, being able to determine switch-ins is key for Ferroseed since it can use Leech Seed on an incoming opponent to wear them down or Gyro Ball for damage. Use Gyro Ball after Protect to make sure Ferroseed recovers from any damage taken. Thunder Wave can also be used when opponents switch in to slow them down for setup sweepers. However, it's worth noting that Thunder Wave is somewhat counterproductive with Gyro Ball, so always think about when to utilize both. Being able to predict poison moves is useful, as Ferroseed can be tossed into play, saving teammates such as Slurpuff, Lilligant, or even Granbull from danger.
 
Start off by setting up entry hazards if and when possible, as this will apply some pressure to the opponent, causing them to think more carefully about switching in and out,. (period) (1) and If there is no chance to set up hazards at first, start off with Protect should be used (2) to scout out the opponent's moves. Take full advantage of this to help in determining determine what which (3) moves the opponent could have and what you can do to counter it. Set up a Leech Seed after hazards have been set up (4) and follow it up with Protect. This will help Ferroseed remain in control of the matchup; not only receiving HP each turn, (comma) but also slowly wearing down the opposing Pokemon. Opponents will attempt to switch,; (semicolon) (5) being able to determine switch-ins is key for Ferroseed since it can use Leech Seed on an incoming opponent to wear them down, (comma) or it can use Gyro Ball for damage. Use Gyro Ball after Protect to make sure Ferroseed recovers from any damage taken deals enough damage to outlast the opposition (6). Thunder Wave can also be used when opponents switch in to slow them down for setup sweepers. However, it's worth noting that Thunder Wave is somewhat counterproductive when coupled (7) with Gyro Ball, so always think about when to utilize both. Being able to predict poison moves is useful, (remove comma) (8) as Ferroseed can be tossed into play, saving teammates such as Slurpuff, Lilligant, or even Granbull from danger.


(1) Break for breath here, else the sentence is far too long and rambling.

(2) Repeating "start off". This change keeps momentum without repetition, and links to the if clause.

(3) Subjective change: "in determining" is long-winded, especially when it can be replaced by "determine". "Which" is subjectively better than "what"; you are determining four discrete options out of a selection, as opposed to innumerable options.

(4) Subjective change: up isn't necessary in this case as the hazards can be set or set up. Three "up"s in one sentence is quite a lot and reduces readability - I just think about how many times the word "up" was used instead of the actual content.

(5) Two phrases joined together; though the comma could be replaced with ", and", I prefer semicolons.

(6) Subjective change: Sentence was totally unclear as to what it's trying to say, so that's my best guess since Gyro Ball doesn't recover HP.

(7) Adds definition.

(8) Two commas around "as Ferroseed can be tossed into play" makes it seem like an aside, when it's actually part of the first clause.
 

frenzyplant

Inertia is a property of matter.
is a Top Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
Start off by setting up entry hazards if and when possible, as this will apply some pressure to the opponent, causing them to think more carefully about switching in and out, and if there is no chance to set up hazards at first, start off with Protect to scout out the opponent's moves. Take full advantage of this to help in determining what moves the opponent could have and what you can do to counter it. Set up a Leech Seed after hazards have been set up and follow it up with Protect. This will help Ferroseed remain in control of the matchup; not only receiving HP each turn but also slowly wearing down opposing Pokemon. Opponents will attempt to switch, being able to determine switch-ins is key for Ferroseed since it can use Leech Seed on an incoming opponent to wear them down or Gyro Ball for damage. Use Gyro Ball after Protect to make sure Ferroseed recovers from any damage taken. Thunder Wave can also be used when opponents switch in to slow them down for setup sweepers. However, it's worth noting that Thunder Wave is somewhat counterproductive with Gyro Ball, so always think about when to utilize both. Being able to predict poison moves is useful, as Ferroseed can be tossed into play, saving teammates such as Slurpuff, Lilligant, or even Granbull from danger.

Start off by setting up entry hazards if possible, as this will pressure the opponent, causing them to think more carefully about switching in and out. If there is no chance to set up hazards, start off with Protect to scout the opponent's moves to determine what moves it has and what you can do to counter it. Set up a Leech Seed after hazards have been set up and follow it up with Protect. This will help Ferroseed remain in control of the matchup, not only receiving HP each turn but also slowly wearing down opposing Pokemon. Being able to determine switch-ins to Ferroseed is key since it can damage or wear down those switch-ins with Gyro Ball and Leech Seed respectively. Thunder Wave can also be used to slow down switch-ins for setup sweepers to come in later. However, Thunder Wave is somewhat counterproductive in conjunction with Gyro Ball, so always think carefully about using it. Being able to predict Poison-type moves is useful, as Ferroseed can be switched in, saving teammates such as Slurpuff, Lilligant, and Granbull from danger.

add remove (comments) numbering

Start off by setting up entry hazards if and when 1 possible, as this will apply some pressure to 2 the opponent, causing them to think more carefully about switching in and out. (period) and If 3 there is no chance to set up hazards at first, 4 start off with Protect to scout out 4.5 the opponent's moves to determine what moves it has and what you can do to counter it. Take full advantage of this to help in determining what moves the opponent could have and what you can do to counter it. 5 Set up a Leech Seed after hazards have been set up and follow it up with Protect. This will help Ferroseed remain in control of the matchup, (comma) 6 not only receiving HP each turn but also slowly wearing down opposing Pokemon. Opponents will attempt to switch, Being 7 able to determine switch-ins to Ferroseed is key for Ferroseed 8 since it can damage or wear down those switch-ins with Gyro Ball and Leech Seed respectively use Leech Seed on an incoming opponent to wear them down or Gyro Ball for damage. 9a Use Gyro Ball after Protect to make sure Ferroseed recovers from any damage taken. 9b (<- Gyro Ball doesn't heal health and this sentence is vague. Revise or remove) Thunder Wave can also be used to slow down when opponents switch-ins (dash) to slow them down 10a for setup sweepers to come in later. 10b However, it's worth noting that 11 Thunder Wave is somewhat counterproductive in conjunction with Gyro Ball 12, so always think carefully about when to using it utilize both. 13 Being able to predict Poison-type 14 moves is useful, as Ferroseed can be switched in tossed into play, 15 saving teammates such as Slurpuff, Lilligant, or even and 16 Granbull from danger.

1. If implies when; unnecessarily wordy
2. Also unnecessarily wordy, edited for conciseness
3. The sentence was long, and this seemed like a good place to break it up
4. Already implied. Mostly fluff.
4.5. Unnecessary; "scout" does the job just fine
5. Combined the related sentences and reworded the second one, as it had awkward phrasing.
6. The sentence is long and needs a pause marker
7. Determining switch-ins is not constrained only to the case specified.
8. Awkward wording and didn't specify to which Pokemon the switch-ins were for; thus, the rewording and moving
9a. The construction was lopsided and thus awkward and hard to understand; this is remedied by tying in this part of the sentence to the first part of the sentence while making both parts of the predicate the same length.
9b. As said in the comments, this sentence should be reworded or removed because it is vague and factually wrong, but because I don't know what the author's original intent in writing it was, I leave the revision to them.
10a. Again, tying in this sentence to switch-ins and moving elements around since it was awkwardly phrased.
10b. For setup sweepers to do what? Originally vague.
11. Fluff.
12. Originally vague; adds clarity.
13. "Utilize both" sounds overly formal as compared to the tone of the rest of the paragraph, so change it to "using it"; however, this makes the phrase sound like "think about using it", which implies considering using it instead of considering the pros and cons of using it; "carefully" thus adds definition.
14. Original was vague, but in context probably meant Poison-type moves, so changed.
15. "Tossed in to play" sounds overly casual as compared to the tone of the rest of the paragraph and is also vague, so changed to clarify and sound less casual.
16. "such as" uses "and", and Granbull is not so much an outlier as to require an "even"
 

Lumari

empty spaces
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TFP Leader
Start off by setting up entry hazards if and when as soon as possible (1), as this will apply some pressure to the opponent (2), causing them him (3) to think more carefully about switching in and out. (add period, RC. 4) and If there is no chance to set up hazards at first, start off with Protect to scout out the opponent's moves. Take full advantage of this to help in determining what moves scouting the opponent's moves could have and what you can do to counter it. (5) Set up a Use Leech Seed after the entry hazards (6) have been set up, (AC. 7) and follow it up with Protect. This will help Ferroseed remain in control of the matchup, (remove semicolon, AC. 8) not only receiving HP each turn, (AC. 9) but also slowly wearing down opposing Pokemon. As opponents will attempt to switch (10), being able to determine switch-ins is key for Ferroseed, (AC) since as (11) it can use Leech Seed or Gyro Ball on an incoming opponent to wear them down or Gyro Ball for damage. (12) Use Gyro Ball after Protect to make sure Ferroseed recovers from any damage taken. (13) Thunder Wave can also be used when opponents switch in order to slow them down switch-ins for setup sweepers. (14) However, it's worth noting that Thunder Wave is somewhat (15) counterproductive with Gyro Ball, so always think about when to utilize both either. (16) Being able to predict poison moves is useful, as Ferroseed can be tossed into play, saving teammates such as Slurpuff, Lilligant, or even Granbull from danger.


(1) simply incorrect (written) English. I took this to be a heavily emphasized version of 'if', and my change reflects this.
(2) overly wordy, and the nuance of 'apply pressure' doesn't feel right here, afaik this is used more in a more literal sense.
(3) congruency error, the opponent is singular in the previous phrase, so he must be here as well.
(4) overly long sentence, split.
(5) way too wordy, simply 'scouting' suffices.
(6) you don't 'set up a' Leech Seed (if anything, you set up seeds), you simply use the move. Hazards required at least an article, and afaik the full term is 'entry hazards' and should be used as such.
(7) two separate instructions/sentences and a natural pause, therefore a comma is appropriate
(8) a comma is required in order not to make the last part of the sentence isolated participles.
(9) two separate utterances with a natural pause in between
(10) added a conjuction because the first phrase was really disjoint otherwise and it's causal anyway
(11) no 'since' in a causal sense, and the conjunction 'as' requires a comma before it.
(12) way too wordy, anybody knows what those moves do, cleaned up prose.
(13) this makes no sense at all
(14) too wordy, cleaned up prose
(15) fluff. it's not 'somewhat' counterproductive, it's counterproductive, heavily even, it makes Gyro Ball ~4 times weaker iirc.
(16) you never use them both, you only use them in conjunction if paralyzing was more important and you've got literally nothing better to do than using gyro ball. In ordinary circumstances, you use only one of them. I made the writing reflect this.



Immediate follow-up question: why can 'since' only be used in a temporal sense? I don't want to make Gato mad, but this site is literally the first place ever where I heard it can't be used in a causal sense. I also found no results when I googled it (for reference, I googled 'because or since'), although you pretty much always find at least something for even the most trivial grammar-related things... this time, however, I found nothing at all (except an apparent difference in usage between 'because' and 'as' that I forgot), so I'd like to read more about it.
 
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