Serious Autism/Aspergers/ADD/ADHD/Other Mental Disorders

BenTheDemon

To be psychotic is to be disconnected from reality. I'm not in your head, but based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you're psychotic, just suffering from severe anxiety. Are you experiencing hallucinations, delusions, or disorganized thoughts? If not, I think it's safe to say you aren't psychotic. In any case, I think you should seek help.
he certainly has delusions of grandeur
 

BenTheDemon

Banned deucer.
BenTheDemon

To be psychotic is to be disconnected from reality. I'm not in your head, but based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you're psychotic, just suffering from severe anxiety. Are you experiencing hallucinations, delusions, or disorganized thoughts? If not, I think it's safe to say you aren't psychotic. In any case, I think you should seek help.
Define disorganized thoughts.
If it means being unable to concentrate because my mind fixates on random bullshit that doesn't amount to anything, then I got that.
I'll have random memories that bother me because I'm unable to remember every single detail. Like, I remember right now Bill O'Reilley saying that if he ran for president that he would have a robot that scans Google for probable answers as his Vice President, but with thousands of 1-hour episodes to search from, I'd never logically find that one specific moment, and that makes my brain hurt. Not really a headache, but I certainly feel a slight tug on my brain when these frustrating thoughts come.
 
Define disorganized thoughts.
If it means being unable to concentrate because my mind fixates on random bullshit that doesn't amount to anything, then I got that.
I'll have random memories that bother me because I'm unable to remember every single detail. Like, I remember right now Bill O'Reilley saying that if he ran for president that he would have a robot that scans Google for probable answers as his Vice President, but with thousands of 1-hour episodes to search from, I'd never logically find that one specific moment, and that makes my brain hurt. Not really a headache, but I certainly feel a slight tug on my brain when these frustrating thoughts come.
That could be a sign of disorganized thinking. However, it's important to note that thought disorders also manifest in the way you behave and speak. You seem to be completely capable of forming coherent statements, from what I've seen here on the forums, in discord chats, and in voice chats. Idk if you would consider your behavior to be affected significantly by the way you think because idk what you do in your daily life.

You also seem to be a bit too aware of it, which doesn't tend to be the case with most schizophrenic or psychotic people. Disorganized thought can manifest in other mental disorders though, one of them being depression. If you don't feel particularly disconnected from reality, I'd say that what you're experiencing is a part of your depression and anxiety rather than psychosis. With all that said, I'm no professional, so I highly recommend talking to one and trying to get an official diagnosis if you're that worried about it/it's affecting your ability to function.
 

BenTheDemon

Banned deucer.
That could be a sign of disorganized thinking. However, it's important to note that thought disorders also manifest in the way you behave and speak. You seem to be completely capable of forming coherent statements, from what I've seen here on the forums, in discord chats, and in voice chats. Idk if you would consider your behavior to be affected significantly by the way you think because idk what you do in your daily life.

You also seem to be a bit too aware of it, which doesn't tend to be the case with most schizophrenic or psychotic people. Disorganized thought can manifest in other mental disorders though, one of them being depression. If you don't feel particularly disconnected from reality, I'd say that what you're experiencing is a part of your depression and anxiety rather than psychosis. With all that said, I'm no professional, so I highly recommend talking to one and trying to get an official diagnosis if you're that worried about it/it's affecting your ability to function.
I know I'm not insane. But I have a quite constant fear that I will become insane, as the symptoms become worse and more numerous as time goes by.
I hate it so, so much. My therapist says this is extreme, but my dream is to be lobotomized and have the receptors in my brain that cause all these ailments to be simply cut out. She says that the side effects can be quite severe, ranging from short term memory loss to total apathy to basically being a totally different person with a new personality.
I told her that even though I love myself under all the anxiety, depression, and what recently seems to be OCD, that I'd almost welcome a new dice roll for my personality, as everything else seems to have failed me.
I can't remember the last time I was happy. Perhaps moments of joy when a new video game or Metallica record releases, but never sustained happiness.
 
Btd you're a good fella but please understand what you have is nothing more than some blend of existential worries and overthinking. My grandad had something and to this day we aren't really sure what it was but it was fucked. He would see holes where there weren't any and in general acted detached from reality. My great uncle though I'm too young to remember had severe schizophrenia which ultimately ended up killing him. I have had family members with these problems and I've heard the stories of the kind of shit that these people see.

You are fine. The worst thing you're suffering from is hypochondria.
 

BenTheDemon

Banned deucer.
Update:
My therapist has recommended me to a crisis center for a few days. At first I was hesitant, because it seemed like a junior mental home to me, but I trust that she knows best.
 

WaterBomb

Two kids no brane
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Well here goes. I'll be 33 this year, and I was diagnosed with ADD before 6th grade (1995), so I've been dealing with it for over 20 years. I was put on Ritalin up through the end of high school, and I'm still not convinced it helped at all. My grades were still average at best despite being able to ace most tests. I stopped taking it voluntarily after I graduated, and as you can imagine college was a trial as well. Although I enjoyed the classes more, I still struggled with applying myself and focusing and ended up squeezing four years into six (although other factors affected this like improper transfer advisement). After getting my degree, my struggles followed me to the corporate workplace. I landed my first desk job in 2010, and by the end of 2016 I had been laid off from my third one. I went back to see a doctor at some point to get reassessed to see if getting back on meds would help, but I lost my job and insurance benefits shortly after so it never came to fruition. After my third layoff, I decided desk jobs were simply not a good fit for me. From august until now I have been a stay at home dad, and it works out financially. Last month I picked up a part time job on weekends at a local pizza joint so I could make some extra dough (see what I did there?).

Now, up until this point it's all sounded less than fun. But, despite all the struggles I've had, I've been very blessed in my life. I have an amazing wife and two amazing children, an incredible family and large group of friends, and a church community that has helped us in ways beyond count. Also, through my experiences, I have learned a lot about how to manage my ADD aND which types of jobs are better suited to me. In a nutshell, the more forced structure and activity in my job, the better. I don't do well in jobs that have me working at my own pace or afford me lots of downtime. Jobs that are reactionary are great because I don't get a choice to shut down or wander. Finally, jobs that keep me physically active are good because that's less pressure on my brain to stay focused. If/when I do go back to work full time, knowing these things will help me immensely. I hope some of you can benefit from it as well.
 

BenTheDemon

Banned deucer.
Not to dominate this thread, but here's another update.

I went to the crisis center, but I could not be admitted, because the agreement I had to sign was far too rigid, and looked as if it were designed to actively make things worse. The worst rule was that they'd have to lock away my cell phone, and I need that as my lifeline. I simply cannot function if I don't have quick access to people I love and care about.

So because of this, I'm back to square one, and I'm still terribly afraid. If anyone knows some way or someone to help me through this, please say so. I'm extremely desperate right now for emotional support.
 
Hey BenTheDemon,

It sounds like you're going through a lot of anxiety/negative thoughts right now - I'm sorry this is happening. I just wanted to say that I'll be here if you want to talk. Feel free to shoot me a PM.

I'd also suggest calling 1‑800‑273‑TALK (National Suicide Prevention Hotline) - they have people who are to provide more professional crisis counseling/anxiety/emotional distress help.
 
I'm diagnosed with Asperger's and communication happens to be one of my biggest problems. I surprised that the word 'communication' has only been mentioned once in the whole thread, although I'm not discarding how useful this post is to me. Maybe it's because the thread doesn't just cover autism.

I also find that there are so many rules that you have to follow for a certain thread, for example writing an analysis or rating a team. I like to do things perfectly and not make mistakes. I hate the idea of my post being locked just because I appear to have not done it properly.

Like Aoki I am the same in the fact that I've been battling for a long time but never had the confidence to post even by the time the Gen VI games came out, because there's too much going on and too many rules to follow. I see how useful the 'likes' system is as a record (I have 7 likes so far), but I'm not a fan of publicly displaying which people 'liked' other people's posts because if my opinion is disagreed by another user and people start liking their posts instead of mine then I may get frustrated. I think of this 'liking' business as just a pointless 'pile on' to how good the quality of a certain post is.

Outside of the forum, I do have problems with senses, particularly hearing. I'm sensitive to loud noises but at the same time I'm not a good listener. I do have irrational fears with sudden loud noises such as thunder, fireworks, and even group laughter. I may write more, but I don't want to give away too much information about myself, so I'll leave it here for now.
Hey buddy, I know I'm really late on this, but I have been reading this thread, and I came upon your post. For one thing, I can say that your situation is something I can very much relate to and help you with. On the subject of making posts on this website, and the aspects that go alongside it, I understand your stress regarding the rules and how the effort you put into the post isn't rewarded most of the time. When I first became a member on smogon, I felt left out because the posts I made were either disproven or disregarded, and that uItimately produced a sense of revenge in myself, something which rarely occurs nowadays. I know it is really hard for you to make posts here because you don't feel that you possess enough knowledge of a certain subject, and/or you do not feel confident enough to do so, but I just want to say that even though this may be the case now, I have faith that you can learn more and eventually make great posts(not saying your posts are not great, I just believe you do not receive enough respect for them).

As for all of you, remember, never give up on something until it is truly the right time to give up, hold your head up high all the time, and keep smiling! I already greatly respect you guys more than a lot of other people for having the courage to talk about your feelings and the conflicts you face in life, so I know that you can keep moving forward! :)
 
(It's worth noting before I type the rest of this out that most of my issues I'm going to mention here came about after I damaged my head in a bike accident when I was 13, and I suffered damaged to my frontal lobe and my temporal lobe. Although my ADHD was diagnosed before I was 13.)

Figured I'd finally post on this thread; over my life so far (I'm 24 now) I've been diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder, ADHD, Anxiety, and Insomnia. I also have persistent memory issues including occasional short term memory loss, long term memory loss, and partial amnesia as the accident mentioned beforehand wiped a good portion of my childhood memories.

It's also worth noting that I was at one point diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (this was disproven after several years) and with Gender Dysphoria (I wanted to be a girl from ages 13 - 18, and heavily considered hormone treatment and surgery, but I grew out of it, and as a result it was determined that I didn't have that disorder).

The Histrionic Personality Disorder and the ADHD are honestly the things that have impacted my life the most as of recently, and that's mostly due to how it affects others around me, as it takes constant thinking and awareness (both internal and spacial) to function in a normal manner (and as multiple of you know, maintaining that level of thinking consistently with ADHD is difficult). I'm completely fine in terms of social skills, and more often than not I'm the life of the party (if I ever get off my lazy ass to go to one). That's the problem though, if I'm not the life of the party then usually I'm out of there within the next 30 minutes to an hour, as I'll retreat back into my shell. I've gotten a lot better with this over the years, but there are times where it still plays into my anxiety.

Overall I'd say the biggest problem I have to overcome, is being comfortable with just myself. I hate silence, and I hate being alone. I was engaged two years ago, and that ended rather badly and I'm still not comfortable enough to really force myself back out there. I'm confident in my physical appearance, that's not an issue, but overall my motivation, personal insecurities, and shortcomings personality-wise continue to hold me back.
 

Martin

A monoid in the category of endofunctors
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Kinda necroing, but I'm going for the first of a few sessions with a specialist on the 24th, the results of which will be used to give me a diagnosis about whether I land on the autism spectrum or not. I'm a little anxious about it, but I feel like receiving a diagnosis (whether it ends up being positive or negative) will allow me to feel a little more comfortable in my own skin whilst also allowing me to understand myself a little better. It's a kinda big step for me that has taken my quite a few years to finally get around to confronting, and honestly I'd be lying if I said I wasn't regretting initiating the process even a little, but I do want to do it because it has the potential to explain a lot of my past and present self, and ultimately I feel like it will be a positive thing for me that will allow me to proceed with a clearer mind. I've always felt like I was different from everyone around me (and I still do feel like I am) whilst having had chronic shyness and a lot of difficulty socially in the past, so clearing it up will make me feel a lot more in control I guess haha. I might make another post talking about myself/my past at some point when I've had some more time to think, but I'll leave it at this for now.
Update that somewhat relates to this.

Earlier today I went into the clinic w/ my parents to get some feedback on what has been going on and to find out about sessions and such that are running at some point. Anyway, we went into the room and sat down, and the psychologist (who is substantially more socially awkward than me) gave me feedback. She said she had talked to the people who had done a test thingy with me a few weeks earlier (they just got me to do a few tasks while they looked at my behaviour, responses etc.) and she told me “they said you were charming and had a good sense of humour, and that you were eloquent” (paraphrased)—a glowing report, if I do say so myself. Anyway, she said that she had also talked to one of my teachers from school and that she had echoed the sentiments in addition to saying that I had difficulty picking up on social cues and had a very analytical mind with a very good attention to detail.

Anyway, the outcome of this talk was that she told me they needed a little more data but that all of the arrows pointed towards me being “on the autism spectrum,” (she made a point of differentiating this from clinical autism, saying that the difference in definition comes from whether it is debilitating or not) with her giving me a preliminary diagnosis of minor Asperger syndrome. According to her, the more specific/non-preliminary spectrum placement can be broken down as follows:
  • Difficulty picking up on certain social cues; doesn’t impact conversational ability to a major degree
  • High attention to detail; obsessive compulsive tendencies which apply to very minor tasks (no effect on ability to function)
  • Analytical way of thinking
  • Excellent memory for small details of interactions (she cited my ability to remember specific details of a conversation I had over 10 years ago without needing prompting)
  • Difficulty focusing for prolonged periods of time on any task for which I lack an immense levels of interest, but obsessiveness and extreme ease with which I can focus on recreational tasks.
It’s a bit if a mish-mash and I’d need to double-check the official report whenever I get that to make sure I’m not misinterpreting anything she said, but yeah IDK how to feel now that I’ve had a long-time suspicion of mine actually confirmed.
 

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